Carefree, Carelessness and Blame

When your carefree attitude gets confused with carelessness

Why do we always confuse carefree with carelessness, is it the majority of society that decides which behaviors are the markers of each?
Carelessness is knowing the implications and doing it anyways, because you couldn’t care less, being carefree is the lack of worry. I am relatively carefree person, I don’t sweat the small stuff. I’m not bothered about my morning routine, I don’t have a organisation chart and set ways of doing things, and I like to sit down, a lot.

Laid back, carefree, whatever you want to call it.

However what I’ve noticed, is that whenever something bad happens to me out of no fault of mine, breaking my leg, being assaulted, having my money/laptop stolen, the first person that people around me blame, is me.

Maybe if I was a bit more staunch in how I do things, a bit more of a worry-wort and general neurotic crumbling mess of a human who never leaves the house or shares a taxi with her ex, or never skips off of steps in glee to get to her car or never trusts the people she shares a house with, maybe if I was a distrusting, kept people at arms length and managed my life down to the minute with Autism like OCD I would then be the victim of the bad things that have happened to me.

But I’m never the victim, because I’m too careless, and my carelessness lead me in a position where I maybe deserved to break my leg, deserved my ex to abuse me, deserved having my money/ laptop stolen.

I remember once my mum suggested that I had manifested breaking my leg, that I had thought about it before it happened so it happened. I usually have the power to do that, I thought about a washing machine once and then when I got home, one was outside my house. But when I heard my own mother suggesting that I had willed my own leg break into fruition I lost the fucking plot.

I blame myself for a lot of things, but breaking my leg because I landed on my ankle funny wasn’t my own doing, neither was my laptop or money being stolen when I went to pick up a friend from the train station, when I shared a house with a girl who I trusted. And neither was sharing a taxi with my ex and best friend back to his house for him to abuse me, even though I protested for them to drop me off at my house.

Do you know what happens though when something horrible happens to a carefree person? They get the blame, and other people’s trust that they can think on their feet dissipates.

Overcompensating

Do you know what’s really sad now is I worry a damn site lot more than I used to, especially when it comes to my career. Temping does that to a person.
I also have to be in charge around people who I deem careless, they’re probably not careless, their probably carefree like I once was, but something bad happened to me when I was carefree and I would like them not to have to suffer the same fate.

When I am around my friends and family who I don’t think trust me to think on my feet, I usually communicate my worries before my “I can handle it” topics, just so they know I’m going through the process of thinking about it.

It’s actually exhausting. To have to fake worry about things that you have got in the bag so the people around you can also come to the same conclusion, because you can’t possibly be having a good time being careless, ahem Carefree. You can’t have got it in the bag and know what to do without a shred of worry! You worrying is validation to them that you have thought about it, because to be seamlessly in control HAS to have a element of worry about it. Neuroticism is now the new fashion item.

However Carefree people don’t worry. So you can’t have it all down pat, surely, and then when something actually goes wrong, it makes sense to them. It was YOUR fault.

Another annoying thing about being carefree, is people enjoy to see you fall. In their eyes nothing in your life should come that easy, you can’t be on the “come-up” while not trying to be on the come up. You can’t get an A* without studying, at least not in their eyes. Schadenfreude is at it’s most strongest when you think the person doesn’t enjoy their goodness as is. “Look at her, didn’t spend one week studying and got a distinction, oh she’s just broke her arm on a night out before an exam, haha she should have stayed in like us and then she wouldn’t have a broken arm would she”.

It’s the most spiteful shit ever, being jealous of a carefree person who’s just tryna get on with their life. Rooting on the bad things that happen to them. It’s horrible, but I get it all the time. When I’ve rocked up to an exam or something important, blitz straight through it with ease, not being bothered about preparing, and then when something bad happens that is totally unrelated to the events people around you are first to ask YOU why it happened. I do not fucking know.

I am not the issue here, my carefree attitude is not the issue, the issue is of people who while you’re carefree will abuse your trusting nature.

Suddenly happy-go-lucky and success don’t go hand in hand, or if they do, they have to pretend to their peers that they had some neurotic process behind the success so the other person can feel validated, that being an overly worried person will one day deal them the same fate.

It won’t.

But whats even worse, is when the worry validates that no harm will come to yourself, because the careless happy go lucky idiot over there didn’t think about it hard enough so they got injured, raped and robbed. Blame doesn’t belong to people who like to live life without limits, it belongs to the people that abuse those people for living life without limits.

Surely we all have the freedom to do so.

Blame doesn’t belong to the woman, who was laughing and dancing in a bar and so a man raped her outside when he took her laughter as an advancement, it belongs to the man, who should have known better and asked for consent when she was in a decent state to do so.

Blame doesn’t belong to the drunk kids at a frat party who got mugged, beat up and set on fire, it belongs to the muggers, the thugs and the arsonists.

Blame doesn’t belong to the baby bears that were playing outside of the cave, when an eagle swooped down and pecked their eyes out and ate them, it belongs to the eagle.

But the neurotics, will take this and:

Blame the woman for coming on to the man, how careless.
Blame the kids for being drunk, yet everyone was drunk, how careless.
Blame the bears for not staying close to their mother, how careless.

Why do you think drug use is becoming more and more prevalent? Because it’s fucking exhausting having to keep up the charade of worrying about something and always having a plan, people need a release.

As soon as we assign blame to the correct party and not the fucking victims maybe we can all be happy-go-lucky, maybe we can all live life without limits, without fear of harm coming to is if we let loose. Wouldn’t that be an awesome place to live.